“Find Me”: Red-shouldered Hawks
Yesterday I told God, “I don’t know who You are anymore. If You want me to stay in this, You’re going to have to find me.” Well, that doesn’t sound like the words of a seeker, does it? And predictably, years of church teaching rose up in rebellion. I also felt that I should not be feeling like this. Had I not gotten the message from what I’d learned after my darling angel cat Sophie passed away? Apparently not.
Like so many other people, I’m finishing up being off from work for the holidays. Ah, the holidays. Something in me usually just shuts off until they are over. This year, I got to feel everything. All the bad stuff. Why? Who knows. Maybe it was the fact that I was already feeling crushed under the weight of some things happening at work. Maybe it was being sick at the beginning of December. Almost certainly it was because I couldn’t go birding – one of the few things this year that has kept me sane. Sane and connected to something of God even if nothing else has made much sense.
The days here in North Carolina were full of rain, dead white grayish sky, more rain, more dead white grayish sky. Although I had almost 2 weeks off from work and although I tried to bird a couple times, everything seemed like a wearisome battle. The weather finally cleared this weekend. I was looking forward to getting a few days of birding in before Monday. Well, it turned out that both days this weekend there were races scheduled at Bond Park. Today, the park was actually closed off to everyone except for race participants. Yes, I could have gone elsewhere, but I didn’t have the energy to deal with unfamiliar trails or slog through Mason Farm, etc.
I returned to my apartment and decided to walk around and see what birds were around. I had gotten through about ¾ of the grounds when a Red-shouldered Hawk flew in and landed on top of pine tree. Well, although I have heard RSHA calls before while sitting in my apartment, I have not seen them. True to RSHA behavior, this hawk soon began calling out loudly. They are noisy creatures. After a minute or two, a second hawk flew in. Clearly, this one was the male as he was smaller. The hawks stayed in the pine trees for about 5 minutes and then went off together – to a tree closer to my apartment. I was incredulous. I’ve lived in this complex for almost 10 years and have NEVER seen any kind of hawks in either of these sets of trees.
After the pair had left and I went inside to upload the photos for editing, I finally realized what just happened. I don’t know what you believe about God. All I know is that I told God yesterday that He would have to find me.